The end we all strive to be

We all have a past,  a present and future undeniably. Our ambitions for the “future“ vary across several breaths. Is there not an inate desire for perfection, or reach to a stage close to being perfect. Does that stage seem to stretch farther the closer you believe you have it wrapped around your finger.
Under the “picture perfect“ is there not even a dot of something that you wish was a bit different, the shade of the dress or the colour of your lipstick, what about the curl of a couple of strands of hair. You decide you need to alter those before the next picture, but hold on, didn‘t several people say it was “picture perfect“. So perfection is an illusion, others feel about you, expect from you and you expect from yourself.

TheRawDeal

I cannot be coy, smiling like I had a gun to my head and was forced to, make small talk and act like a diva.

I shall go about my way, do my thing, think my thought and hey maybe I dont smile when I do that

Its not that I am sad or unfriendly. I am just enveloped and gratified in my space.

I remember being caught in the line of fire as I smiled a lot (smiling in math class was probably the dumbest thing to do), where is the smile now?

I dont know. Am I unhappy now, no I am not. Do I need to be able to smile naturally, I dont know. But I do know, the difference between a genuine smile and a forced one.

Nothing is the matter in my life dudes, just symmetries may have not alligned, for all I care.  Am the same, experienced for sure but that has refined and focused me.

When is the party tonight?

My heads is spinning, eyes really burning

Some things are being made tough, why oh why

I have to work and work I do

Can’t accommodate space with other who are flexed out too

How much should I absorb?

When I have no cushion for any windfall

An emotional and physical torture

Free from it perhaps is better

Have to be kind to myself too

As I run the engine all day through

So being burnt out is not the best

Grab a pizza, read a book, show videos and lay low

Nurturing your family is not always an outing

But being relaxed while on it is not a miss.

(Rants on coordinating parties :) )

Shorts and Skirts

Many a years ago, I used to jump walls and roof tops, that‘s my “game“
A girls manicured world was lame, pink was just not me, please
I ran,sweat and grimed myself, with my “bestie“ just ahead
And then he had to go away, I no longer wanted to bounce and frown

Few years down the tube, I changed into a pink lil‘ madame you know
My hair was brushed, my clothes were prim, I knew the drill a lady should
A lad I see look straight into me, I was walking and he cycling
Was it my face, or my lace, prehaps the pinkie toe nail had clipped

It happened again, the next day but I knew then it wasen‘t me.
A call after years to my “besties“ place, confirmed to him that it was I who he chased.
A dish a dush, a “whats wrong with you, cant you tell me from me?“
An apology I didnt hear but a “I‘m in love, what do I do“

He was sent back to his sense, made to see that we were “besties“ to be.
Dont break this one and try another one, be best with what you always were.
Was I delerious to say these words, prehaps I was but didnt want worse.
I wanted no change, in my mind he was always my treasured best.

(In the end, I lost my “bestie“ as a friend, I didnt have him as any one else)

Do I show what lies beneath?

Why do I choose not to reveal, all that is within me
I keep some, I share some, not the same with everyone

You may do the same too, pick and choose for whom
Familiarity it is not, a stranger might hear a lot

Why do I then, use discretion every now and then
What makes me say, what makes other say,un guarded

I am scared, yes its true, I have flawed so its layered in
I cant say I care less about judgementals,

They may be more than hurting tones, but breaking ties
You may say that I need not heed to protect who aint that accepted me

I have secrets and so do you, we maintain a harmony within that too
Just let it be, your not hurting another with publicity!

The Known in the Unknown

Do all relationships need a name, a brand or a class,

 What was the electric shock I felt when in the crowded train,

The gravity defying escalator ride churning me inside out?

 I felt sweet thorns when I walked down the street, knowing well that you were looking at me

I choose to not acknowledge you are there; my heart was racing miles and miles

Did I not show I wanted to be held, not by words but my eyes bled?

In the comforting embrace within your shell, I want to be held, held, held

Would you turn your back at me, when you know I need you forever to be?

My shadow that moves all around me, my reflection you will see

But you are not me, but pray be you, but be near me, whisper to me

I will giggle and blush and flush, with each soft touch

You mean to me, more than I mean to myself; 

But don’t ask me a name, brand or class, for that I cant’ ever tell, never want to know

Just take me for me and I for you, we leave it there and that's where it will be.

Emotional Emotions

When there is no anger

But abundance of sadness

You don’t want to talk or to share

Why is sorrow spared?

Anger is mutilated voiced and loud

Sadness is quiet and absorbed

The source be known

Within my mind or transferred from another

Toying with my head I rather have not

Or should I? To gain perspective

That everything is not always fine and dandy

Days get dark and you wait for light

Not knowing how long the journey takes

But hope is what must hold me most

Just hope and kindness must flow and flow