The Prince That Never Came…

I believed my life would be a fairy tale; Prince meets Princess & they live happily ever after.

Where the Prince whisks me away into a magical land & makes everything feel safe & romantic.

Like in the books I read growing up & somewhere along the way, I realized ; there was no prince, not for me.

Just a person who didn’t care what I did, who I was & never truly fancied me.

For decades, I accepted that it is what it is & that a loveless marriage was what I had.

Thoughts of suitors from my younger days came back to whisper “what if” & “why didn’t.”

Today, I find myself in my friends, a new community & shared camaraderie.

So why does my once-perceived Prince take exception to the happiness I found & he couldn’t give?

I am self-made, I pulled my weight,

& worked around my shortcomings to inconvenience others as little as possible.

I am dealing with the lemon I gave myself when marrying & the lemon that was gifted to me ; my health.

Is it too much to ask not to be unkind?

I don’t expect kindness, just the grace to

 enjoy my friends’ company.

You

You spotted me, I like the sanctity I am from.
You are not to blame for  scratching the surface; willing my self out of my shell, I slithered after all.

Your eyes are intense, they could dent me.
You know you make me laugh, you make me smile and I thrive in that.

You would expertly make fun of me by being attentive at the same time.
You brought out in me what I had lost in translation ages ago.

You count, I can't put a name to this one simply coz I don't know.

Just enough.......

You maybe some one for the world but for someone you are the world

The end we all strive to be

We all have a past,  a present and future undeniably. Our ambitions for the “future“ vary across several breaths. Is there not an inate desire for perfection, or reach to a stage close to being perfect. Does that stage seem to stretch farther the closer you believe you have it wrapped around your finger.
Under the “picture perfect“ is there not even a dot of something that you wish was a bit different, the shade of the dress or the colour of your lipstick, what about the curl of a couple of strands of hair. You decide you need to alter those before the next picture, but hold on, didn‘t several people say it was “picture perfect“. So perfection is an illusion, others feel about you, expect from you and you expect from yourself.

TheRawDeal

I cannot be coy, smiling like I had a gun to my head and was forced to, make small talk and act like a diva.

I shall go about my way, do my thing, think my thought and hey maybe I dont smile when I do that

Its not that I am sad or unfriendly. I am just enveloped and gratified in my space.

I remember being caught in the line of fire as I smiled a lot (smiling in math class was probably the dumbest thing to do), where is the smile now?

I dont know. Am I unhappy now, no I am not. Do I need to be able to smile naturally, I dont know. But I do know, the difference between a genuine smile and a forced one.

Nothing is the matter in my life dudes, just symmetries may have not alligned, for all I care.  Am the same, experienced for sure but that has refined and focused me.

When is the party tonight?

My heads is spinning, eyes really burning

Some things are being made tough, why oh why

I have to work and work I do

Can’t accommodate space with other who are flexed out too

How much should I absorb?

When I have no cushion for any windfall

An emotional and physical torture

Free from it perhaps is better

Have to be kind to myself too

As I run the engine all day through

So being burnt out is not the best

Grab a pizza, read a book, show videos and lay low

Nurturing your family is not always an outing

But being relaxed while on it is not a miss.

(Rants on coordinating parties :) )

Shorts and Skirts

Many a years ago, I used to jump walls and roof tops, that‘s my “game“
A girls manicured world was lame, pink was just not me, please
I ran,sweat and grimed myself, with my “bestie“ just ahead
And then he had to go away, I no longer wanted to bounce and frown

Few years down the tube, I changed into a pink lil‘ madame you know
My hair was brushed, my clothes were prim, I knew the drill a lady should
A lad I see look straight into me, I was walking and he cycling
Was it my face, or my lace, prehaps the pinkie toe nail had clipped

It happened again, the next day but I knew then it wasen‘t me.
A call after years to my “besties“ place, confirmed to him that it was I who he chased.
A dish a dush, a “whats wrong with you, cant you tell me from me?“
An apology I didnt hear but a “I‘m in love, what do I do“

He was sent back to his sense, made to see that we were “besties“ to be.
Dont break this one and try another one, be best with what you always were.
Was I delerious to say these words, prehaps I was but didnt want worse.
I wanted no change, in my mind he was always my treasured best.

(In the end, I lost my “bestie“ as a friend, I didnt have him as any one else)