DO I SAY MY MIND?

Quiet often than not someone comes to you and asks you for something that is in a general umbrella called advise. It can also be understood as an opinion. Do you say the truth in those scenarios or do you go the politically just way and be diplomatic. I see almost everyone tell me that I need to say the truth, after all who ever is asking for it wants to know the truth and thats why you are in the picture.

Does this not vary by age, sex, situation? When I am asked for a pigment of my mind, I can see that they are not really expecting me to tell them a brashful tale of my unadulterated thoughts. I can sense that they are merely asking me to conform to their preconceived ideas and beliefs. They are looking for re-assurance and not more confusion. This is not a general rule of my little finger but limited to a few people and these people are not weak of the heart and mind self centered people.

When I sense that , I dont want to go and recite my excat feeling towards the subject, ofcourse as long as the magnitude of what I say is not going to cripple any activity I would just play it along and voice my opinion leaning towards the concept or indicating a liking to the concept. I know I am not being truthful about what I really think, I am cheating the person asking me the question, cheating my mind and its not the most kindest thing to do.

Some on other hand seem to really want an opinion and that opinion counts and is weighed and fed into a data processor with all spheres of substance considered. I am not asked to be politically or digitially polite with these people and I can sense that they dont expect me to throw frills and furs around but just get to it.

What kind of an answer do I give to whom, should the answer at my workplace be different, vary amongst colleagues, superiors, subordinates. Does my social life call for another role play and personal family life aother or do I just be truth ful always, sometimes hurting the other person. The simplest example is "How do you like the dessert?" Answer being- it was the best mouthful I have ever had". Is this truth in enterity, the part of even liking the dessert, let alone the masked adjectives that serve the definition of being an adjective. Should one person always say coated lines or always speak his or her mind or is a healthy blend, ofcourse the healthy part is best optimised by the individual more appropriate. Each person finds the best fit of the role, they lead lifes without even realising that they change, their opinions change.

What is beyond?

Looking through the frosted mirror,
She tried to see beyond.
Nothing was clear, everything blur.
She convinced herself
Life beyond had no picture.
Was she to paint;
A rosy one with hapiness,
Or should it be tainted with tears and pain?
The canvas stands blank, white as before
Not getting the colors of tomorrow
Yesterday has gone and tomorrow not here
Should it remain white or should she paint "today"?

Yes, I have been receiving all your messages and I do read them. I havent replied and I don't want to belittle you by saying "sorry". I haven't peeped into any of your blogs. Reasons ranging from depression throughtout the long white winter, anticipation of the future, will I get a job or not? Then times comes that I do begin work with a great organisation and life whirls between subways, streetcars, work station, colleagues and sleep. It is not impossible to not blog or read blogs but what seems more possible and easier for me is to be lazy and sleep and I choose that path. I am not promising anything, I shall try to convince myself to look at the present and get alive in blogosphere if not kicking. If I fail, it would be because my laziness triumphed!

As you please!

"As you please" , "We don't put a figure on what you give to your daughter" and similar sentences are addressed to parents of a to be bride by her to be inlaws (Ofcourse there are gem of exceptions). The topic is the age old topic of 'DOWRY'. We all know it is illegal to ask for Dowry, maybe by spelling the words Dowry.


We transversed scenarios drooling around parents paying heavily for their daughters marriage, in gifts in form of automobiles or land or flats or gold or the list is endless.

Let me first tell you the reasons we rationale for the prime and primitive existence of Dowry. The society class is patrical here. (Point to be noted) The woman gets married and goes to her husbands house, in many cases that would be villages apart and hardly get chance to meet her parents. Even if she had to meet her parents she had to travel in bullock carts for days and it was not easy by any means.

The man or the boy of the house on the other hand got his bride, maybe from another village if required and would sit back in his parents home or ancestral home and work and take care of the parents when they were old.

Don't get me wrong here and think that I am indicating that women are incapable of looking after her parents or that I believe that women had to go to her husbands house and not remain in her home. Remember patriacal system, we are referring to that here. I don't belong to that system so what I write here is post a discussion we had from people who belonged to that system.

The point was that if the man has to look after his parents in his old age, he should receive more share of his parents wealth, maybe a portion more of the land and not be disposed with vessels and other gifts. It seemed fair to pay the son looking after the parents than the woman who cant do that as she is looking after her inlaws. BTW, I say, there was not much of dearth of land then and so we could keep slicing it. I remember that my ancestral home encompassed the entire village a few hundred years ago.

I am not sure if I agree to the point that parents have to give their son more to be ensured that their old age insurance is covered by the sons. Is it not a son's or daughters duty to assist parents in times of need? Did infants pay their parents for taking care of them till they could stand on their own feet. But ofcourse we are not in an ideal world and so we expect something more,a fringe benefit, some may say that explicitly and some may not and some may never expect at all.

{ I am trying to convince myself of this logic of primitive existence of dowry}

Now this primitive need gets converted partly to a tradition, culture. It becomes "talk of town". Society would want to know "how much did you get", women sound like some bulls that were going to a new farm and society wants to know how much the bull came with, what the price tag was.

I could just go around and charge at those people who think knowledge about this is of core importance to them, either for gossip or to make statistical analysis and record a trend so that they know how much to expect (market average rate you know) when a bull comes to their home or worried parents of daughters can begin to churn in extra coal into the furnace preparing to meet that average.

World language has caught in and today many people are being "politically right" when they say "It's your daughter, you can or cannot give her anything, we don't ask for anything, its all your wish". Oh really, I believe them. There are dumb wit women who feel bad if their parents haven't laden them with a good financial worth of goodies before her wedding ( It makes me want to puke at such women, how could they think that way, what happened to education). Parents don't want to see their daughters feeling that she has not gone with her best "PINK FROCK" and streamers, convert this into what she goes out with during a wedding.

{I detest the word, go out, like women become outsiders, I cant imagine how I can ever do something like that if I were expected to go OUT}

There are other people, the ones I like "We don't want anything PERIOD PERIOD PERIOD". Smart parents will then just assist or maybe conduct the necessary function and lo, everyone is happy. There are the other kinds of parents who are useless cooker weights. (weight whistles and releases pressure and gets the food cooked). The useless weights succumb to society's vain trend. They fear that they will be laughed at if they don't laden the bride with her big goodie bag. So even if the would be inlaws have made it clear that they don't wont anything besides union of two people, they will try and live up to the trend we were talking about earlier.

Now, some can really afford it. Mittal went around searching for finest "chateaus" for the $78 million wedding.

Most of us are not Mittals or nothing even slightly close to him. If a person earning enough just to stay out of debts gets pressurized for a gala wedding with gifts, it is the biggest tax he can ever be charged. Many a times its a tax not even on his income but on loans. Yes, I am aware that the trend and average are varied from society to society and class to class but maybe you haven't seen pressurized parents but a few of us have. We have also seen parents who have all the money but who don't believe in frivolous wedding and unuttered dowry. They have played it so simple.

I definitely find that respecting, they are people belonging to high classes, business tycoons but have not exhibited their wealth during a forum called wedding. Maybe such people can be counted on our finger tips. You can ask me what is your problem if they spend the money they have or if other's spend money they loan, its their problem. It is a practice, few have great married lives but thousands die/ killed due to harassments because of spelled or unspelled dowry.

If many more people don't succumb to pressure, even if they are loaded and otherwise we save many things. Its not the best thing for a parent to feel a pinch at the pit of his stomach from the time he knows he has a baby girl. He loves her but he has to always keep amassing for her WE DING DING DAY.

A friend of mine brought us to this topic which has been discussed on several spheres. Ultimatum is that we have to be strong and not succumb if someone asks for dowry. Daughters would do great even if she is not sent like the "bull".

An interesting question was tossed up - "Kids spend close to $500 or more when it comes to prom, are you not going to get pressurized then". One answer to that, even a boy is going to need his tuxedo and his limo. There is expenditure for the boy and girl. Dollars here and there are going to vary as one cant expect the boy to wear a gown or the girl to wear the tux in order for expenditure of a boy going to prom and girl going to prom to be the same price. This is a small form of being pressurized but personally believe that this and the wedding are separate spheres and based on whether I buy or gown is not determinant to the "dowry".

Don't tell me that a "Kanjeevaram saree" or a "gown" is again more expensive than a kurta or tuxedo. Yes, a chain or necklace is expensive but does one have to wear 20 of those and have her head hanging?

Why should the parents divide their property when they are living to their children when a wedding happens. Can't they live happily and maybe an equal division happens later on. How many sons who have been given a share give real good insurance coverage for their parents when they are old. It is relative.

The parents can make sure that both their children (if they have a boy and girl) are educated well and are able to stand on their own feet and not worry about wedding date. Ofcourse they are all happy and don't complain about the wedding even if they had to strain every hair to make it to the socially accepted glitter.

Also, parents should stop saying that "We can't live in our son-in-laws house". What the $%^^...They can be with their daughter as much as their son, guess who ever it is should be comfortable with that. There is no necessity to follow society norm to not live in son-in-laws house.

The matriacal system is quiet different from patriacal and it takes another group meeting to discuss that.

"ME CHICKEN"

I have never done this before. Wait! What have I not done before? Is it cook right or post something I cooked on my blog. This is not turning into a recipe blog, I love those blogs and sometimes get inspired to cook looking at all the pics of dishes out there.

Yesterday my mind was wavering regards what chicken to make, should it be a biriyani or should it be butter chicken. I rested my case and made what I now call "ME CHICKEN". This is a crude picture of what I coughed up last night. (There is only 250 gms of chicken so have tiny quantity)

I know it does not look great but this is the first dish that I have cooked and that I have liked.

When I begin to cook, I am with recipes, either on the comp or in my cook book. I begin to do something that is instructed and take a tangent and progress with my own imagination. I have always been very loud in letting my Mom know that I will never "Learn to cook". The idea of grooming myself to learn all the tricks of the trade and how to make what with what and how much was not my cuppa water. I leant on imagination. I believed that cooking should be an expression of yourself rather than something I unfold from someone else. It may be because I hated monotony even before I knew the meaning of the word but I lived up to my belief. Could also be because I suck at doing things the "right way".

Didn't learn a rat's tail worth of cooking and ventured into unleashing my imagination on the saucepan. I however do realise that there are a few spices and that can be used or omitted in any dish and that "in or out" is something I change day after day.

Me not posting Indregients and Method and tips out here. Save you from that!

!@#$ Someone tell me what I should post next, snaps from my trip are not possible, that is against my set rules, want to write but head is stuck on the CHICKEN man and have lost imagination here !@#$

BaCk!

"Where have you been?"

"I haven't been to London to look at the Queen but have been to Bangalore to forget about the Queen"

Hey All!!!!!!!

I did spend the past few months in abstinance from, hummmmm humm from visiting blogs regularly or posting them. Now I am back.....

On the flight I met a few Euporeans who told me they work in "Bangalore". I initially thought they were there for training the many or for some review or meeting but to my surprise they all worked there!!! BANGzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......! What was I hearing. I was told that unemployement in many parts of Europe and the booming market in Bangalore which has a host of employement opportunitites have made many relocate from so many places into Bangalore.

I presumed it was just a handful in the flight who may have relocated but when I began walking in the streets of Bangalore I saw hundreds on the road everyday, so many people indeed now work in Bangalore. They go to the same grocery shop and I began to feel like I was in Toronto with a whole lot of immigrants zooming past.

This was a CHANGE, to all it would certainly feel silly as this has been the scenario for a while but for me it was new, a new population makeup and it made me feel that Bangalore (could be many other parts of India too) has indeed attracted pool from out of the country in huge numbers despite it, oh I dont want to go there, to the traffic.

Don't get me wrong but the population has increased tremendously and I was scared to venture out. The chaos on the road was so high that I felt like people woke up inthe morning with a mission to just drive and not care about who they are going to ram into or who rams into them. With all the traffic mess and the bad roads I felt really bad for all the new cars, you name it and that car was visible, be it a Civic or Camry, an Accord or Corolla, any of the many SUV's or the many Chervolet's. All ran in some unified harmony. Sure was a treat to see them.

The cost of living so hight in Bangalore and I was told it was the most expensive city to live in, in India. I was definitely extremely cautious while spending money. I did not spare the auto guy if he didnt give me change, even if itwere a rupee I would stand there with no embarassment waiting for my change while my mom would hurry away from the scene, totally embarassed.
When did bread and milk get this expensive????????? Ok tell me when did bread get this expensive atleast??????????????????????????

Shopping for clotheswas another eye opener, what wa cheap. What happened to those days when I used to get so many things that were good at reasonable rates. I was paying a lot. Yes, I could have gone and got cheaper stuff but the quality was sad as always in the extremely cheap things.

Being with my parents was another experience of its kind. I was the lazy me and had my parents doing so many things for me. Lived in luxury of not doing anything and those moments are inseparable. I can still see us all in the living room tossing things at each other, making fun of each other.

I can see the fields brush by as we drove, the ancestral home, the many other beautiful places and people. All etched on my mind. Two months sped like nothing but the fond memories linger forever. I would like to believe that I was there forever.

I do not think that India is an impossible place to live but only those with the hardest will can succeed. Without knowledge we are all hard willed, we can be too. Even thought there are many odds everyone makes things even at the end of the day and are just the same old people. Speaking of old, I really did feel so old when I walked down Brigade Road. The once young me had been replaced by so many younger smarter people. :) :) :( :(

ANother thing I noticed and relalised is that no matter how expensive people expect it to be cheap for you, for themselves and especially for any NRI. But the mentality of mine never changed and I was thus labelled "Cheapo". Oh my bron sis loved calling me that and I loved hearing it. I was not going to be a consumerist for one.


**Just let you know that I have only seen Don, Guru and Lage Rahi MunnaBhai during this trip. I was a total cheapskate that I saw only Guru in the cinema hall and Don at home. Lage Rahoi was something I got to see on my flight. Some noble soul upgraded my ticket to a business class so I had some luxuries of the business class for one sector of my flight**

I also saw miles and miles of snow, on mountains and land in Iceland, Greenland and felt like I was in "Chronicles of Narnia". It was depressing ot see an uninhabited topography spread with white for as long as I can remember.


I have no clue what I have written but just letting you know that I am back and that I had a blast of a holiday!